Suicidal thoughts is something we have at times. Some more than others. I know for me I have battled with them since I was a young kid. I would fantasize about doing it and what the outcome would be like. As I got older I became more aware of these thoughts to understand why they arise. I've noticed that they pop up out of no where. I don't choose to have them they just arise at random moments. I would be scared because I worried was I going to take action on these thoughts.
Luckily for me I have a group of people in my life to share this with who understand me and know that its a normal thing at times to have. This helps me not feel alone and process the thoughts. This I find important to have in life. For me the more I wanna do good in there world the more negative thoughts come into my head. Why? To stop me from being the light on this earth. This perception helps me push forward and seek guidance. I have a Therapist, Sponsor, Mentors and Support Groups to walk me through it. I find it important to have a team behind you.
I'm here to speak out that I have these thoughts. I may have a blessed life but that doesn't mean I don't struggle. I embrace the struggles to bring reality into the world. Our minds play tricks on us and when becoming self aware happens it allows us to not react instead we respond.